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Pet peeves are fun to talk about, no? I was discussing (okay, maybe baiting) a discussion about it in a chatroom by saying I was planning to write an article on peeves of pets, so naturally, people started to guess what mine was. Cha-ching! Pay dirt.

Well, what do you think it is? Bidding Michaels? Nah, not close. Whoa, not close? (Do you know me?) How about conventions that are easy to screw up and rarely have tangible gain? Too deep, he says. Okay, go simpler. People who abuse UI and BITs? Directors who appease the people who do such things? Top players who suggest that partner giving you UI is no problem and you should do what you felt you would always do?

Uh, shoot. I might have triggered myself with that last one. But no, it’s none of that. It’s not even close.

Enough beating around the (Mulberry) bush. My pet peeve is… people driving away people who are actually interested in the game. And the worst part is, we didn’t do it on purpose. We had nothing but the noblest of intentions.

Rather than clarify how we drive people away, I will share this story instead. And the people involved had no ill will.

A completely new player came to check out a bridge club because he knew I was getting into this great game. He picked up the biggest hand he’d ever seen in this fledgling bridge career: 20-21 balanced. He got instructed to open 2NT, so he did. His partner bid 3NT. Okay, now armed with his 20-21 high card points, he began to think if he should bid more.

He was quickly reprimanded and told that he has to pass, there is no other option, what are you even thinking about, you can’t bid here.

I could tell he was confused, and that confusion quickly turned to doubt, frustration, and possibly humiliation.

DO YOU KNOW HOW INCOMPREHENSIBLE THIS AUCTION, ANY AUCTION, IS TO SOMEONE WHO HAS PLAYED BRIDGE FOR TWENTY MINUTES? WHY WOULD HE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHY HE CAN OR CANNOT DO SOMETHING LEGAL PER THE RULES OF BRIDGE?

Do you think he came back?

The more experienced players were just trying to share knowledge. There really was nothing malicious about it. And yet…

And you know why this incident sticks with me? Because I can remember with crystal clarity the times that I have done this to other people. To this day it upsets me more than you could know.

Narrower, Deeper, Older. Bridge is extremely involved now. Even concepts that beginning and intermediate players find absolutely simple and routine, are complete voodoo to people trying to break down the significant barrier of learning the game.

I’m older now. Hopefully I’m wiser too, but apparently there’s no guarantee that comes with age. And this is what I’ve learned after 20+ years of bridge:

Bridge is a game. It is played for fun.

I’m not a chess player, but for any chess enthusiasts out there, imagine introducing someone to chess like this:

“Okay that’s how all the pieces move. …No you shouldn’t make that move. Clearly you should develop all your pieces. No, don’t move that pawn. No, don’t move your Queen again. guffaws Oh my god you have to get your King to safety don’t move your Queen for a third time!” And for good measure, someone within earshot laughs at another move.

Do you think they’re going to come back?

When teaching people the game of bridge, simply tell them the rules. You must follow suit. Trumps beat everything else. A bid must be higher than a previous bid. Then let them play the game how they want. If they never draw trumps, who cares. If they lead all of their honors out of their hand from largest to smallest, who cares.

Don’t laugh at new players’ blunders. Don’t tell them what they should and shouldn’t do. Let them discover the game for themselves, the thrill of trying to win the current trick they’re on. Welcome them genuinely and with open arms. When the time comes and if they are interested, they will ask for strategy.

Like it or not, you and I are all ambassadors of this game we love.

And we do love this game. Right?